Presence Isn’t Performative

Mindfulness is my jam. I think about it, I write about it, and I do my best to live it.

I also might be terrible at it…?

I have found that, at times, when I try to live with presence and enjoy an experience, I can almost be forcing my presence of mind. Instead of letting my mind be present, I let the concept of presence get in the way of what I am trying to be present to.

Isn’t that beautifully and tragically ironic? The intention is there, but my execution can be poor.

Up until now, my strategy for being present was to treat it like it was a mental action that I had to actively employ. It felt like I had to gear up to be present in the situation at hand.

Now, I recognize that presence is about mental non-action. It’s not some sort of performance for myself. It’s an ease that I almost need to melt into. Mindful living is more about being than it is doing.

That has taken some training for me. But it’s given me a lot more ease and taken so much of the pressure off of my mindful endeavors. It used to feel like I had to tense up my mental muscles to be present. Now I know that relaxing them is the more effective path.

It feels fraudulent to sit here and write a post for my mindfulness blog while admitting that I have actually been pretty bad at being mindful. But it had to be done.